Top Ten Things I learned.

Well the semester is over. I am grateful for having taken this class. I have learned so much. It has been one of my favorite classes yet. For our final we made a top ten list of the things we learned. So I will post it as my last blog because I feel it is meaningful.


1.    Blog- I am grateful for the opportunity to participate in writing a blog. It has now encouraged me to start my own personal blog. I do not keep a journal, which I know is not good. Blogging has shown me that I can write down what I feel and what I have learned. Writing in my blog has helped me get my feelings out and that is something that I need to do more often.

2.    Symbolic interaction theory- this is one theory that has definitely stuck with me throughout the entire semester. This theory has applied to me life to the extreme. I have seen it a lot in my relationship with my boyfriend. I had a teaching opportunity as well teaching him about the theory and it was a great feeling teaching him about it. It is funny to see how it is present in my life and that I know can think more about what I do and what I say.

3.    Marriage= complementary not completing. I had never thought about marriage this way. Something that stuck to me dealing with this is that two dependent people come together to create something awesome. This thought has really made me think about the relationship that I am currently in and how I hope that we can become something great together.

4.    Have a wise engagement process- there are things that need to be done properly. Decisions need to be together, not the guy saying, “Yes dear”. All the panning should be done together as well. Although I am not engaged yet, my boyfriend and I plan to get married, so there has been some planning done already. The planning has gone well because I have used this concept. The sealing should be the focus.

5.    Establish expectations early in marriage (even before actually married) - when doing this you should be realistic and practical. You should talk about finances, living situations, establish “joint ownership”, and set clear boundaries. Doing this can help marriage run a little smoother at the beginning stages.

6.    Couples that express love and qualities everyday are far better off- I want to express the love I have for my husband as much as I can. I think that this is so important to do, it to me creates a sense of security. I want to hear this from my husband as well.

7.    Know what my children are learning in sex education- I could be a future PTA president. I should know what my children are learning. If I do not teach them about sexuality they will learn from the world. Use the Parents Guide from LDS.org. It is important to teach our children about the sacredness of marital intimacy. The home is the best place to teach our children.

8.    Do not vent- who knew venting was bad. But thinking about it, it is so true. It beings a negative attitudes and contention. Contention is obviously of the devil. Venting does not edify. Nothing good comes from it.

9.    Sarcasm- words are going in one direction and the truth in the other direction. Sarcasm can be a positive and a negative. This can all depend on the relationship two people have with each other. There are definitely people I can be sarcastic with and there are people that I cannot be with sarcastic with.

10. Purpose of parenting- a huge learning curve opportunity. We are meant to learn and grow. We learn to love like Christ did. We have a responsibility to raise God’s children. We also get a taste of creation. We also receive joy and happiness.

Parenting

I love this topic. Growing up and still this day I really want to be a mother. In class this week we discussed a lot about parenting. I believe we as members  have a purpose to raise God's children. Other purposes are that we raise children to grow and learn, to love like Christ does, attachment, to have a taste of creation, and to have joy and happiness. My teacher said being parents gives us an opportunity to have a steep learning curve. I agree with this statement a lot. There were a set of videos that we watched called PETS. Parent Effectiveness Training System, this was put together by Micheal Popkin. He talks about Active Parenting and defines the roles parenting. He says the purposes of parenting are to protect, and prepare our children to survive and thrive. There is also four ballast characteristics to parenting which are; courage, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. These are all things that parents need to teach our children. We also discussed doctrine in the scriptures that pertains to parents and life. Alma 36-42 have profound teachings about life. The Book of Mormon has references for things for parents to do, examples of parents,  and how the Father and Jesus Christ respond to children. As members we have many resources to go to when becoming parents and when we are parents. I am truly grateful for this gospel and the opportunities it has given me and it will continue to give me.

Fathers.

This week in class we talked a lot about fathers. Sometimes this can be a sensitive subject for me. My father was not around a whole bunch while I was growing up. I can remember he usually seeing him on Thanksgiving and sometimes on Christmas. I would only hear from him on my birthday. As I look back on him not being there, I can see some outcomes of it. One being me always wanting attention or a sense of trust from a male figure. My grandparents raised and my grandpa was like a father figure but it still was not the same as if my father was around. When I started dating, I would date really anyone who I felt would give me the attention that I longed for. I now have had this realization for a while now and can caution myself when dating. All this makes me want to find that right man who will be an amazing father to my children. I do not want my children to have the experience that I had. Something we also discussed in class was about dual incomes. Basically it is not good to have a dual income. You spend more money to have babysitters or what not. This kind of makes me happy because I have always wanted to stay at home mother. I hope that I will be able to do that.

What Did You Say?!?!?!?

On Monday in class we talked about communication. Communication is super important in so many aspects of life. Communication to me is key in a relationship/marriage. There are three types of media. They are words, tone, and non-verbal (this would be body language). In class we discussed what percent of each of those would make 100%. Our teacher told us that 14% is words, 35% is tone, and 51% is non-verbal. For the most part I agree. I would say the nonverbal and tone would be a little more. I know in my communication with my boyfriend those two mean pretty much everything. We have gotten into disagreements about things that have been said because of the way they were said and as well as the body language. We like to roll our eyes sometimes. Hahaha. One topic that stuck out to me was sarcasm. I feel that I am a very sarcastic person. But with the discussion in class, I learned that sarcasm can be a bad thing. My teacher explained it as the words going one way while the truth is going the opposite way. I also would agree that communication is based on experiences. If you had a situation when you communicated in a way that did not work you would not use the same communication if the situation came up again. One other topic I feel really hit home with me and that was venting. I am a HUGE venter. And I learned that I should not vent. Nothing good comes from venting, and looking back at times where I have vented, that statement is true. So that will be hard task to overcome but with the help of the Lord, I can overcome anything.

Family Matters

This week in class we discussed stress. Stress is something that I need to work on controlling. But some stress is good. I do not see what stress is good but I guess it is true. Our discussions mainly were on family stress and how to cope with that. We talked about ABC-X model. A is the actual events, B is both the resources and responses, C is the cognition- so they way you interpret the event, and X is the whole experience. There is another model that we talked about which is the double ABC-X model. So the first experience helps you go through a similar situation again. I really like these models. I feel that my family can greatly benefit from these models. There is a big stress in my family. This stress is that my mother is an alcoholic. I believe that my family does not use the resources that we have. We definitely do not cope well with this fact either. My teacher told us that people said that one of the best strategies to cope is to change the values and prospective. This is so that they can see things in a different way. I am not sure what the best way to cope with my mothers situation. I have tried different things but you can not help someone who does not want to be helped.

Lets Talk About Sex..

Does that title make you feel a little unconformable? Do not worry, about half the class this week probably felt uncomfortable too with the topic about marital intimacy. Marital intimacy was this weeks topic of discussion in class. On Monday and Wednesday we talked about the differences that men and women have when it comes to sexuality. We also talked about marital intimacy regarding marriage. On Friday we discussed about teaching our children about marital intimacy. This is what I want to base this post about. I believe that parents should teach their children about marital intimacy. If we do not teach them, they will learn from the world and their friends. The world glorifies intimacy as a leisurely activity and that it is not a sacred thing. In our discussion we talked about those who have been sexual used. My teacher talked about Cloe Madanes. She is a well known teacher in family therapy. She says that those who abuse or have been abused, or sexualized in the improper context "spirits were hurt." This does not mean that their spirit is diminished or gone down or is gone, it is just hurt. If we help people understand about marital intimacy we can help them not want to explore. In the next part of the discussion we talked in our groups about what we would want our children to know and at what age. My teacher gave a great quote, "We can not be confident if other people teach our children about sexuality." He gave us advice as if we are going to be future PTA presidents, and that is to look into what the "sex education" class is teaching. Some of the things that my group and I came up with were to teach 5th and 6th graders about the changes that are going to happen to them in puberty, with that though we would want the girls and the boys to be split up. A second thing would be to teach about all aspects of sex (physical and emotional) in middle school. Now days they all they teach about is the risks and how to get contraceptives. We also discussed about teaching younger children about how we do not touch people in certain places and that we do not allow other people to do that. My teacher gave us a reference to use when teaching your children about sexual intimacy. Its the "A Parents Guide" on the LDS.org website. It gives great guidelines on how to teach your children at certain ages. I know that I will be teaching my children about sexual intimacy and being very involved in their school so I know what it is going on.

27,000...NO THANK YOU

This week in class was great. Let's be honest, every week in this class is great. I feel like this week in class has helped me out a ton in my personal life. This week we talked about the tasks accomplished early in marriage that lead to the wedding. So basically there are things that need to happen before the marriage. One is a wise engagement process. I need to make decisions together, my boyfriend and I are in the early stages of this process. Sometimes it can be difficult to make decisions together. We also need to plan together. I like when Brother Williams said that wedding decisions/ details are mutually determined, not just "yes dear". I think that it will make things go a lot smoother. Also it is crazy to me that an average American wedding costs $27,000. I personally think that is ridiculous. With my sisters wedding my entire family and my brother-in-laws helped with the cost. And I plan to have delegate people to help with certain things. There are also many things that need to be done. One thing that really stood out is that people need to focus more in the sealing and not the reception. I plan to have my reception that day after my sealing. I am looking forward to being sealed for time and all eternity to my future husband.